WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
