Plan B is the new Plan A
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
