Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
