Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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