Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
