i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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