You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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