It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
