I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
