M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
