I wish life had little blips of pornography
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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