You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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