Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
