Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
