I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
