so explain again why im purple
no
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
