No more Irish car bombs ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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