fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
