You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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