we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Rumble strips road head = magical
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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