i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
