Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
