you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
