last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
