I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
