you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
