so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
