I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
