I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
