If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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