Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
