I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
