Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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