So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
