If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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