I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
