I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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