Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
