I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
