The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
MIDGETS
????
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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