Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
