There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
