Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
