You really coming over, don't trick.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
