Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
