This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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