My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
