hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
