So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
