So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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