dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
