maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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