awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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